. . . The less I know

. . . I thought I would feel sure. . . My steps firmer. .

A pep to my walk, and a surer swing to my hips. . I thought I would be able to differentiate Tom from Dick and Harry. . .

That I would be financially secure, ridding off to a sunset of my own making . . .

Instead I fly closer to home . . . Afraid of the sun melting away my wings. . .I’m no Icarus. . . that sense of adventure is dulled by the crashing weight of reality. . .

A reality harder to escape. . . A reality forcing me to confront it . . . Come what may. . . the older I get . . . The less I feel I know. . .

Maybe growing means finally coming to terms with me. . .cornering myself and forcing me to come to terms with who I am. . . My choices, their consequences and my expectations. . . And finding my way forward. Letting go of the disney princess and finding love for Ruth. The breathing, living, woman. . .
To embrace that gritty old self discovery.
Loosing an old that was meant to be lost, for a firmer more selfless new. Shedding the old singular dream for a new shared one. . . Which might start out gritty and slippery but become firmer with time.

Understanding that sometimes my lens are narrow, I grieve and agonize over the island . . . When there is an entire mainland to explore. . .

love

Ruthie

‘In all things I choose hope, I choose to be bound to those chains so light, driven though slowly, yet surely out of darkness. Than to be free from those easy chains and lost in the darkness of despair’

I turned a year older earlier this week and the experience has been a see-saw of emotions I keep on oscillating between pumped up levels of confidence and colapsing into tears when I feel overwhelmed by the expectations that come with aging. . The little piece above tries to give words to my feelings. Growing older ha? No one tells us what to expect😊😊.
As always, lots of ❤️