{"id":282,"date":"2021-05-12T15:39:41","date_gmt":"2021-05-12T15:39:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.hopenyambura.com\/?p=282"},"modified":"2021-05-12T15:39:41","modified_gmt":"2021-05-12T15:39:41","slug":"to-my-love-my-sun-and-moon-from-my-selfish-heart","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nyamburamgendi.com\/index.php\/2021\/05\/12\/to-my-love-my-sun-and-moon-from-my-selfish-heart\/","title":{"rendered":"To my love, my sun and moon. . . from my selfish heart"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I have created a chasm between us. . . I pushed you away. . . <strong><em>my selfish heart speaks<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><br>You are always ever kind. . .<br>Ever understanding. . . I am difficult. . . I make you angry . . . I ruin you. . . <strong><em>my selfish heart speaks<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><br>I remember your eyes when you looked at me and told me that I would be ok, you were innocent, believed I was savable. . . I am not. . .  at least not by you. . . you cannot save me! you won\u2019t save me! . . .I will not let you. . .<br>I am angry, angry at myself, angry all the time, I want to be alone yet you always pull me away from my resolute solitude. . . I don\u2019t know what to do, only that when I am broken you always try to save me, and I ruin you in return . . . so you would hate me.  <strong><em>My selfish heart speaks<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><br>. . so that you would stay away. . .and I would preserve myself. . . my dignity. . .my sense of self. . . I don\u2019t doubt your compassion, your empathy. . .your attraction . . . I doubt your love. . . your love that will always see me as you do now, a weak and fragile thing. . . you do not understand, that were there to be a label I want to run away from, it would be weak and fragile. . . I don\u2019t hate fragility and vulnerability. . .I just hate that it is all that you see, when you look at me. . . so I ruined you, I ruined you to preserve myself. . . <strong><em>my selfish heart speaks<br><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I have created a chasm between us. . . I pushed you away. . . my selfish heart speaks You are always ever kind. . .Ever understanding. . . I am difficult. . . I make you angry . . . I ruin you. . . my selfish heart speaks I remember your eyes when [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-282","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nyamburamgendi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/282","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nyamburamgendi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nyamburamgendi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nyamburamgendi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nyamburamgendi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=282"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/nyamburamgendi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/282\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nyamburamgendi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=282"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nyamburamgendi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=282"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nyamburamgendi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=282"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}