No I’m not ok. . .
No I’m not well. . .
No I do not have my shit together. . .
No I’m not perfect. . .
Yes I’m insecure. . .YET
I’m stronger than I look
. . .
Half the time I’m done. . .
I’m obsessed with straight hair. . .
I don’t know what to do with my curly hair. . .
I secretly want to run away . . . All the time. . .
I have secrets. . .
I’ve held on to some so long I no longer remember when they became secrets. . .
I forget them sometimes, but like a joint flair up when the weather is cold memories have triggers too.
I want to fly. . .
I want to run. . . Run. . .run. . . all the time. . . YET. . .<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I’m stronger than I look. . .?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
from who you ask. . . ? from whom do you run. . .<\/p>\n\n\n\n
From myself, from choices that feel right but seem wrong, from multiple realities that make more sense to others than to me, that primal internal battle between breeding and instinct.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
from the pressures of being “me” . . . yes me. . . ,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
not the me I believe I am, not the me that makes me feel at rest. . . no not her, <\/p>\n\n\n\n
rather the me that is preached and hammered in by a discombobulated society.
A society riddled with selfishness and the need to control, an insecure society that is afraid to embrace itself. . . tells me that I am less than, . . . that I am not enough as I am. . . I can do better, I can do more, and while at it remember to smile less Sungura, you give people the wrong idea.. . . you are too serious Sungura, let loose alittle . . . you are cheap Sungura. . . Ongeza body count Sungura. . . Bado hujaomoka Sungura?. . .you are too sensitive Sungura. . . You are too full of yourself. . . you should wear this not that. . . ‘well meaning’ passive aggressive advise from the insecure, . . . be this, be that. They will love you more then, they will accept you then. . . <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am left wondering who are they. . . ? they is my society. . . my society is me, . . . , in my struggle to fit in, I become society, I am the passive aggressive shame-er, the discontent, frustrated adult,. . . the insecure chauvinist. . .the toxic human . . . when I don’t sieve what I let in. . . when I do not self regulate. . . when ‘society’ masters me. . .I became society. I chime in when society is propagating its rhetoric. So who is society? society is me. . . the words I tell myself, the insecurities I do not let go off. . . yes society is me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
So maybe I have mercy on myself and. . . the lenses of society start to change. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Maybe I do ‘society’ a favor, and repair my internal clock. . .<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
No I’m not ok. . . No I’m not well. . .No I do not have my shit together. . .No I’m not perfect. . . Yes I’m insecure. . .YETI’m stronger than I look. . .Half the time I’m done. . . I’m obsessed with straight hair. . .I don’t know what to do […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-64","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nyamburamgendi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/64","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nyamburamgendi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nyamburamgendi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nyamburamgendi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nyamburamgendi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=64"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/nyamburamgendi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/64\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nyamburamgendi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=64"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nyamburamgendi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=64"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nyamburamgendi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=64"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}